Friday, November 28, 2008
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Category 21: Career
| Derrick | Khurram | Richard | Eric |
| Owner PH Casino | Hugh Heffner’s Heir Apparent | GM of | Video Game Reviewer |
| Owner of Game Development Company | Owner of | Writer | College Professor |
Before I get started, let me apologize for the long layoff. Things got busy at work and my mind wasn't right while waiting for the results of my bar exam. To make up for it, I did extensive research for one particular selection of Round 1. It was a tough job, but I owed it to my loyal readers. I think you will find some enjoyable pics in my write up for Khurram's round 1 selection. I warn you though, that these pics are NOT SAFE FOR WORK. Again NSFW!! With that warning, let's begin...
Round 1: Derrick starts us off with the owner of The Planet Hollywood hotel and Casino. Since I am a gambling man, I can understand the pick. However, one wonders if he would be better off choosing the Wynn or Palazzo instead. I know Planet Hollywood is our favorite casino, with a prime location on the strip, but it doesn’t exactly scream class. Then again, I’m not sure any of that really matter so long as the Pleasure Pit exists. Perhaps as owner, Derrick can conduct the auditions. Maybe he can even run the auditions, the same way the Chinese ran the tryouts for the guides at the olympics.
If being an heir apparent is actually a career, than Khurram got the best one of them all. But given that people like DDavid Spadde practically live at the Mansion, there are potential ddownsides. Also, I have seen maybe parts of two episoddes of that Girls Next DDoor show, and I am not certain how long I could stand to be aroundd women that stupidd, no matter how hot they may or may not be.
I chose being general manager for the Los Angeles Clippers. Let’s face it, every sports fan thinks (delusionally, I might add) they could do a better job running a team than the person currently in charge. Well in the case of the perennially losing LA Clippers, that delusion might not be so far off. Between the city, the arena, and some painfully loyal fans, the potential for that franchise to be good does exist. They just seem to make one bone headed move after another. If I could somehow turn that team around, I’d be a legend in the sports world. Plus, there is no downside. If I failed, I’d be no different than anyone else who ever held the post.
Eric closes out round 1 with the choice of video game reviewer. This would be an awesome job if every game that came across your desk was of the quality of a Metal Gear Solid 4 or Gears of War. However, reviewers must also deal with crap like Mary Kate and Ashley: Crush Course and Barbie’s Fashion Show. How would you like to be locked away for 2 days straight playing games like that? Wait a minute…maybe that is EXACTLY why Eric chose this profession, now he can play those games and claim its “part of the job” the next time Derrick questions his sexuality.
Round 1 Analysis: I guess this round goes to Khurram, though I’m not exactly excited about any of these selections or even this category, if you couldn’t already tell.
Round 2: Eric starts Round 2 with the only selection that even closely resembles any one of our real life careers. I can see the perks to being a college professor, you can teach a higher level of material, you don’t have to worry about disciplinary problems as much, and you can have TA’s do all your grading. Also, the females would be mostly legal as opposed to the level Eric currently teaches. Whether that is a plus for him or not, one can only guess…
Though I suppose in actuality, I will be mostly writing for a living, that’s not exactly the writing I had in mind when I made my selection. I’ve mentioned before, I do enjoy writing about certain things. And I’m full of enough crap that I could write for quite some time. And though I’m not the best in the world at it, I think if I actually had to make it a career, I am just deranged enough that I could probably do it better than some, but not necessarily most, of the other writers out there. But let’s be real, the world needs more writers like the world needs more lawyers, so the last thing I want to do is….oh, wait…bad example.
Khurram would like to be owner of the Dallas Cowboys, but considering how I am his friend and all, I’m not quite sure that I’d like that. The home state of good ol’ George Dubbya doesn’t seem like a safe place for brown people like Khurram. But let’s ignore that for a second, and also ignore the fact that Khurram doesn’t have the requisite 4 face lifts needed to be the owner, and let’s examine the facts. This job really has no downside, besides the fact that the Dallas Cowboys are prominently involved. I mean, c’mon, this is a team that hasn’t won a playoff game in 13 years, if Khurram took over its not like he’d have anywhere to go but up.
Finally, Derrick closes out the round and this dreadful category by choosing to be owner of a game development company. I actually like this pick. With the amount of crap that gets produced by game companies every year, having someone who ACTUALLY plays games green light some projects, while quashing others, seems like a good idea.
Round 2 Analysis: I’ve gotta go with Game Developer, Derrick here. The writer pick was somewhat of a waste. I could make writing my career right now, I just wouldn’t be able to eat or live under a roof, but that’s okay I suppose. I like the college professor pick, as teaching is always something that intrigued me. As for Khurram’s pick, I’ve always wondered how one answers the question, HOW ‘BOUT THEM COWBOYS? Is it: a) How ‘bout em! [proceed to throw back mug of beer] b) The Cowboys kick ass! [proceed to throw back mug of beer] c) Well, they can’t ever win in the playoffs and their owner looks like Skeletor [proceed to get tied to a pickup and get dragged around town] d) Don’t mess with Texas [proceed to become president of the United States]. I think I have to go with the hidden choice of e) get drunk; mostly because that’s what I would do if I had to hear that damn question all the time.
Overall Impressions: I don’t think this category will be making a reappearance at this coming draft.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Category 20: Bodyguards
Category 20: Bodyguards
| Eric | Richard | Khurram | Derrick |
| The Terminator | Solid Snake | Lara Croft | Selene |
| Terminatrix | Jill Valentine | Charlie’s Angels | Mrs. Smith |
| Claire Redfield | The Secret Service | MacGuyver | Chun Li |
| Princess Kitana | James Bond | MIB | John McClain |
Despite the fact that we all have superhero powers, we all know that if given the choice all of us would rather sit around doing nothing than watching our own backs. For that purpose we have a team of Bodyguards. A bodyguard could not be a superhero, but he or she could be fictional.
Round 1: “Come with me if you want to live”. Eric starts us off with a true beast of a bodyguard, in The Terminator. Designed by SkyNet, this Robotic soldier can mimic human voices, wield any sort of weapon imaginable, take a few hundred bullets to the face and utter catchy phrases like, “Hasta la vista, baby” and “I’ll be back”. What more could you want in a bodyguard? Oh, how about the ability to not be reprogrammed or experience a short circuit so that the guy who was supposed to be protecting you is not now trying to kill you. All in all though, The Terminator is damn near indestructible, so if you can keep his programming straight you are good to go.
My pick was the venerable Solid Snake. A clone of the ultimate soldier, Big Boss, Snake is perhaps the most battle-tested bodyguard on the list. Let’s put aside the fact that Snake has saved the world from nuclear annihilation 4 or 5 times over for a moment, and instead realize that Snake has defeated foes such as Vulcan Raven, Sniper Wolf, Revolver Ocelot, and Psycho Mantis. Not to mention his own brother, Liquid Snake. Now, either he has a thing for slaughtering small deranged animals, or he plans to take on PETA head to head. Either way, I think I’m in good hands. Two potential downfalls. First, unless Snake is fighting some ridiculously named “boss”, he tends to hide from danger rather than fight it. Second, not only is Snake’s body filled with Nano-machines, but he is prematurely aging. That means I’ll be stuck with his whiny-ass replacement Raiden before long. The same guy who ran around naked during the latter parts of MGS2, fighting with one hand while covering himself with his other. Wonderful.
Khurram drafts the biggest example of a “fan service” character in video game history. I could make a veiled comment about Ms. Croft’s ability to wield two massive guns more effectively than most, but since her creator’s haven’t been so subtle about it, neither will I. How Lara Croft manages to aim straight, let alone swing from tree branches without one of her massive cans smacking her in the face is beyond me. So much for realistic physics in video games. But I digress; this is supposed to be about her ability as a bodyguard. Besides the fact that she’d stand out in almost any crowd, making it nearly impossible for her to keep the element of surprise when dealing with potential evil-doers, I think this is a good pick. Speaking of good, or at least funny, pics: Lara and Duke Nuke 'em.
Derrick, continuing his struggles throughout the draft, reaches for Selene, the death dealing, lycan hunting, vampire from the Underworld Series. In many respects, I like this pick since you can never be too sure when all things are going to go to hell and supernatural creatures will emerge on this earth. In that regard, Selene makes an excellent pick since not only is she easy on the eyes, but by the second movie I believe she is killing both vampires and lycans alike. The one worry I would have with her though is the fact that she is a vampire, so unless she is getting Blade-like blood transfusions, she’s going to get hungry eventually. When that time comes, Derrick will certainly not need all of that bad press that tends to come with one of your body guards sucking the blood out of some poor 6 year old girl.
Round 1 Analysis: I think this round goes to The Terminator. I mean, seriously, if you had to have one bodyguard to absolutely protect you, it’d have to The Terminator. Every other character on here has done some bodyguard work before, but they made two movies about The Terminator solely acting as a bodyguard for John Conner, and we know how that turned out. He’s the leader of the Resistance and a whiney 16 year old boy in a surprisingly good TV show.
Round 2: Derrick comes back in Round 2 with another smoking hot badass, Mrs. Smith. We all know she is an assassin by trade, and a damn good one at that. My worry if I’m Derrick is that she very nearly killed her own husband before ultimately turning against her own organization. That raises questions about her loyalty on both ends. I mean, sure you could say she was so dedicated to her mission that she’d be willing to kill her own husband. But at the same time, she tried to kill her own husband! I mean if she’d kill him, why wouldn’t she turn on you? Oh, I know she ultimately didn’t, but then that raises questions about her ability to follow orders. At least if she turns on you, you’ll get to look at something nice before your life ends.
Khurram goes with a trio of good looking women with Charlie’s Angels. Because I value my brain and don’t want it to melt, I thankfully never saw any of these movies. I thought they could’ve picked better women for this movie. Lucy Liu has never done if for me, despite the fact that she’s Asian. Drew Barrymore will always be that little girl from ET, and correct me if I’m wrong, but Cameron Diaz had already lost her “fastball” by then I think. Wasn’t Demi Moore the best looking woman in the second one? All of that being said, you could certainly do worse than having these three protect you from bad guys, Bill Murray, and food. After all, these three ladies look like they believe food is something sent here by the devil and won’t get near it unless, you know, they can throw up after eating it.
When I went to
Eric doubles up on the terminators, by closing out round 2 with his selection of The Terminatrix. An updated and upgraded model from the Governator version, this iteration is a sultry, sexy, silicon filled killing machine. The only problem is that the Terminatrix is an inherently evil being, sent by SkyNet to wipe out John Conner and end all man kind. Selecting her is like selecting Hitler (who would be quite the poor selection unless you are planning on protecting yourself from Jews…wait, was that over the line?...oh well). I know, I know, The Terminator was reprogrammed to protect John Conner, but do we know if that can be done to this version? Perhaps Skynet realized its mistake, so it created a version only programmable by SkyNet itself. Until we get a definitive answer, two of Eric’s bodyguards could spend a considerable amount of fighting each other. Or maybe, the Terminatrix will dominate the terminator into making some metal on metal love. Let’s just move on.
Round 2 Analysis: I have to go with either my pick or Khurram’s pick this round, as they are the only ones that don’t have any loyalty issues surrounding them. Ultimately though, I am going to stick with the pick of Jill Valentine. You never know when the first zombie epidemic is going to hit, and when it does, the Baretta and the beret are a dangerous combination. Additionally, The Angels strike me as being kind of stupid though and having three women around, you know there will be some catfighting going on (though some may argue this is a good thing).
Round 3: Eric starts off by stealing my idea and taking Claire Redfield of Resident Evil 2 and Code Veronica. I don’t blame him as she’s a cute biker girl who clearly can hold her own in the event of a zombie outbreak. She does have some features that make her selection different than that of my selection of Jill. First, Claire is just a 19 year old student rather than a member of an elite Special Forces team. Though she eventually joins in the fight to take down Umbrella, one can’t help but be concerned having a mere girl with no training as your primary deterrent against the inevitable zombie invasion. On the positive side though, she spends a considerable amount of time in Resident Evil 2 looking after a 12 year old girl who is scared shitless, (awesome video, just substitute Eric for that blond girl...so touching!) so she should feel right at home watching Eric’s back.
I went with the Secret Service, which in retrospect may not have been the best choice. Sure, there is a swarm of them, and they have those cool wrist walkie-talkies and give everyone codenames (“Anteater is on the move”, “Or Chito has left the bag”), but unlike everyone else on this list we have documented failures of the
We’ve already discussed the merits of MacGyver in the skills section of the draft, but this was a good pick by Khurram. If you can’t have the skills, you might as well have the man. MacGyver is great bodyguard to have when you are in a bind because he can build a device to defuse a bomb or incapacitate any enemy out of almost nothing. However, if you are rolling with MacGyver the rest of your team better be packing enough heat to make up for the fact that “Mac” doesn’t believe in guns. Won’t carry one, won’t use one. This could make things particularly difficult in a firefight, but with MacGyver, where there is a will (or two paperclips and a stick of gum), there is a way.
Derrick closes out round 3 with his third woman, thunder thighs herself, Chun Li. I’m not sure how I feel about this selection. I mean, on the one hand, she could level anyone who got near you with her ability to kick someone like 100 times in a span of 5 seconds, and in later iterations of the game, she had mastered a fireball. On the other hand, she strikes me a not so closeted flasher more than anything else. I mean, consider that she doesn’t even wear a skirt or dress, but instead just two long loin cloths. Then she proceeds to execute things like her spinning star kick where she spins through the air upside down, letting those loin cloths just flow freely. Oh, and you know her choice of attire is why all of those idiots stand there long enough to get kicked in the face all those times. This lack of restraint is more indicative of someone who needs help, rather than someone who should be acting as a bodyguard.
Round 3 Analysis: This round was just a mess. I like Eric’s pick (since it was basically my idea), but Khurram’s pick is better. Well its better only if he continues to draft the fire power to make up for MacGuyver’s hatred of the NRA.
Round 4: Yippee Ki Yay Mother Fucker! And with that, Derrick gets us started on round 4, and yes, I checked the spelling of that phrase. John McClain is 100% badass. Not only can he walk around
We are seeing some tremendous value here in the 4th round with Khurram taking the Men In Black. So what if Khurram doesn’t have a contingency plan for zombies, he’s the only one who’s got one for aliens. You know you’ll have at least 26 agents capable of protecting you at all times which is a great thing. However, since non-members of MIB aren’t supposed to know of their existence, Khurram might be neuralized after ever time he needs protecting. All in all, it’s well worth it though.
Sticking with movie icons, I went with James Bond. This was a panic pick, since I was faced with either him or Big Black, and considering Big does more eating than he does protecting, I had to go with Bond. No doubt he has the ability to protect me, however, he’d probably be too busy drinking his watered down martini and hitting on Jill Valentine to adequately watch my back. Oh well, at least he’ll come with a cool car and a lot of ridiculous gadgets.
Finally closing out the round and category, Eric goes with Princess Kitana, in what one would have to imagine was a decision to draft the best looking deadliest female available. He was partially successful. Oh, don’t get me wrong, her movie character (played by Talisa Soto) is hot and her in game persona is certainly deadly. There is one small hang up though, and that is the fact that she is currently 10,000 years old. Yikes.
Round 4 Analysis: I really really wish Derrick would have taken John McClain in round 3. It would have easily been the best pick of that crappy round. However, as it stands, I have to go with The Men In Black, it was simply an awesome pick.
Overall Impressions: I really like my first two picks, but my last two selections basically take me out of the running for this category. Derrick was all over the map. Eric’s first pick was the best of the entire category in my opinion, but he overdrafted that series I think and his last two picks left something to be desired. That pretty much just leaves Khurram. I am not sold on the Charlie’s Angel’s pick, but his worst pick is better than anyone else’s worst pick. The MIB pick was almost as good as The Terminator. So, almost by default, the category goes to Khurram, though I am surprised he didn't draft Darkwing Duck to protect him.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Category 19: Superhero Powers
Note: Eric did the write-up, I added some Editor's Notes, the picture, and link.
| Derrick | Richard | Khurram | Eric |
| Superman’s Invulnerability | Superman’s X-Ray Vision | Spidey Sense | Hiro Nakamura’s Teleportation |
| Goku’s Instant Transmission | Wolverine’s Regeneration | Jumper Teleportation | Hancock’s Invulnerability |
| Professor X’s Telepathy | Gambit’s Supercharge | Highlander Immortality | Superman’s Strength |
The all important task of doing the write up of this category was bestowed upon me. As the “guest writer” of this category I will attempt (but probably fail) to uphold the high quality standard of writing that we have all come to expect from Richard (First of many Editor's Notes: But at least we know everything will be grammatically correct).
When Richard told me about his idea of the fantasy draft, and asked if I thought any other categories should be added to the list that he had compiled, I immediately thought a category about super hero powers was a must. Needless to say, this was the category that I had been looking forward to the most when the draft finally came. This was the category that I had put the most thought in to, the category that I was the most prepared for (the women category was a close second). I say this to expose my bias towards my own picks. However, I will try to be as fair as possible and give credit to picks that I believe truly are stronger than my own. I will also be brutally honest when pointing out poor choices. Let us begin:
Round 1
Derrick: Superman’s Invulnerability. Derrick starts off strong with a good and solid pick. You can’t really go wrong with taking the Man of Steel’s ability to withstand explosions, have bullets bounce off of you, or simply break the hand of a thug simply by allowing him to punch you. Derrick assures that he won’t be killed off very easily with this strong first round quality pick.
Richard: Superman’s X-Ray Vision. Richard must have been caught off guard by this category. X-Ray Vision is a neat trick, but taking it as a first round pick in a category about super powers shows a lack of knowledge of comic books and super powers in general. It seems like the kind of power that a hormonally overcharged adolescent boy would choose so that he can look into the girl’s locker room. Stick to your sports realm, Ito (EDITORS NOTE: I agree for the most part. I gave almost no thought to this category coming in. Though I will certainly cop to the perv angle to this whole thing, treating the category for humor, the main reason this popped into my head was for gambling purposes considering we were headed to Vegas and I’m addicted to it. I don’t know that I’d use it for blackjack, as that might take the thrill out of the game. However, cleaning up at Poker tournaments would be awesome).
Khurram: Spidey Sense. Khurram follows Richard’s weak pick with a weak one of his own. At best, this power should have gone in the third round. Don’t get me wrong, being able to sense danger is a great power to have. But why not go with invulnerability so that you don’t really need to worry about the danger? All this allows is a tingling sensation when danger is near. You don’t know what the danger is, where it’s coming from, or when it will hit. Stick to your programming realm.
Eric: Hiro Nakamura’s Teleportation. Being able to teleport anywhere at any time is a good power to have. The benefits are numerous. Just think, being able to get anywhere instantly allows you to rush to the aide of a damsel in distress. It also allows you to escape a dangerous situation. Don’t feel like walking? Just teleport to get to where you want to go. I know that some people may say that Hiro’s power is not always reliable - that it craps out on him when he needs it the most. But I say that I’m taking the badass-future-post-apocalyptic-ninja-sword-wielding version of Hiro’s power. I must admit, I probably wouldn’t have taken this power in the first round if I didn’t have the very next pick in the second round.
Overall impressions of Round 1: I would have to say that Derrick just slightly takes this round over me. Richard and Khurram had poor picks that didn’t even put then in contention.
Round 2
Eric: Hancock’s Invulnerability. In my pre-planning brainstorming sessions for this category, I had originally wanted Superman’s invulnerability, but Derrick beat me to the punch. But upon reflection, I think that was probably a good thing. As I was cursing him for taking my first choice of powers, I thought about other invulnerabilities and decided on Hancock. Hancock’s invulnerability is just as good, if not better, than Superman’s invulnerability – even with weaknesses aside, such as kryptonite and the need for the yellow sun. Hancock’s invulnerability has allowed him to live for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. Superman ages, and presumably will eventually die (I saw an episode of Batman Beyond where Superman had aged).
Eric: Superman’s Strength. That’s right, me again, bitches. Remember, Khurram traded his 2nd round pick to me so that he could have first pick for the vices category. I decide to take the strength of the strongest guy in comic book history. Who else could lift a continent? Alright, it may not have been a fully developed continent, but it was certainly a large land mass. This selection completes my selections and makes me quite the badass. I’m stronger than anyone else, can’t be killed, and can show up anywhere at anytime. (Editor's Note: Quick Trade Analysis- Eric couldn't have said it much better in his Round 3 comments, but I just thought I would say that this is an excellent example of two people knowing exactly what they wanted out of certain categories and creatively achieving their goals. I applaud both Eric and Khurram).
Richard: Wolverine’s Regeneration. Richard starts showing some knowledge of super powers with this pick, and slightly redeems himself from his earlier selection. On the plus side, this power has allowed Wolverine to live a very long time. It also will prevent illnesses. On the negative, when damage is inflicted, pain is still felt. Without the adamantium skeleton, more damage will be inflicted and death is possible. Why subject yourself to the negatives of this power when some form of invulnerability would have given you all the positives and none of the negatives? (Editor’s Note: Another form of invulnerability, you say? To highlight my complete ignorance of this category, I didn’t know another superhero even had invulnerability as a power (Dreaded parentheses inside parentheses comment- I’ve never seen Hancock). And um, you know what they say, “No pain, no gain”. Yeah, I pretty much suck!)
Derrick: Goku’s Instant Transmission. I must admit off the bat that I’m not familiar with this power because I don’t watch Japanese cartoons that send small children into seizures. According to Derrick, this is basically a super sized teleportation power. Wikipedia defines it as teleportation on a planetary scale. They go on to say how it is achieved: “where Goku would focus his index and middle finger together towards his forehead and concentrate on a location he could sense through clairvoyant means through the practice of Qi Gong/Ki that is prevalent in the Anime/Dragonball Z universe. Also known as Shunkan Idō.” (Editor’s Note: Had I gone with anime picks I might have been better off, seeing as how I’ve seen a lot more of that. But I figured, there was no point in going with powers no one has ever heard of. Kudos to Derrick for doing just that)
Overall impressions of Round 2: All selections were solid picks. You had two teleportation powers and 2 powers that allow for a longer life. I will have to give the round to me for Hancock’s invulnerability.
Round 3
Derrick: Professor X’s Telepathy. Derrick demonstrates his knowledge of comic books by finishing this category with his third solid pick – and with a selection that could have been respectable in the first round. Professor X may be one of the strongest telepaths in the comic book world. This ability allows him to read thoughts and even control people’s minds and actions. Truly a great power. With that being said, there are some draw backs. First, this is telepathy, not to be confused with telekinesis. Telepathy does not allow you to move anything with your mind. This is more of a clarification than a draw back. Next, when Professor X is controlling someone else’s mind, he is in a state of concentration that essentially incapacitates him. In other words, he isn’t exactly going about his daily business while controlling someone else. But I suppose the big negative aspect of this power is that it can all be negated if you just wear a metal helmet (which is what Magneto does). Still, a great pick.
Richard: Gambit’s Supercharge. Richard finally shows up to this fight and picks a power that is worthy of my admiration. Certainly not a power that should have gone any sooner than the 3rd round, but definitely a great pick considering Richard’s prior selections. This power allows Gambit to charge up any item, be it a deck of playing cards, staff, or a handful of whatever can be grabbed and then cause it to explode. Plus, Richard chooses the power from a superhero whose very name captures Richard’s gambling spirit. Too bad it took Richard three rounds to finally catch on (Editor’s note: WOOHOO!).
Khurram: Jumper’s Teleportation. Khurram finally gets another selection after having to sit out the second round due to his lust for women and desire to have first crack at the vice category. Once again, this is a power that I’m not very familiar with. From what I could find, it sounds like the standard teleportation. Wikipedia didn’t have much to say about it, other than it is caused by a genetic abnormality. I really don’t have any criticism of this power, as my first pick was for teleportation. But what I thought was funny when Khurram picked this, was his rationale for pairing it with his Spidey Sense. Correct me if I’m wrong, but he said that once his Spidey Sense started to tingle, he would just teleport somewhere else. What kind of superhero is he trying to be? It sounds like he just wants to be able to run and save his own skin. Oh, that’s right – this is Khurram (Editor’s Note: I’ve never seen the movie, but I though you had to have been to the place at least once in order to teleport there)..
Khurram: Highlander Immortality. This power allows you to basically live forever. A Highlander can only be killed if their head is removed. Even if this weakness was omitted from our draft, this power was a weak choice. Just like Wolverine’s invulnerability, this power does not prevent pain. Wounds do heal, but what about massive ones, like the loss of limbs? (Editor’s Note: Monty Python and the Holy Grail, anyone?- (3 minute mark)) Go up against the wrong opponent, and you could find yourself living a very pathetic existence for all eternity. Why not just go with invulnerability?
Overall impressions of round 3: Even though Derrick gets a great pick in this round, I still have to give the round to Richard. Probably because I was surprised at the unexpected great pick. It was almost like overlooking the kid who gets A grades all the time to give all the attention to the kid who is a failure at everything but brings home one test that they earned a C on (Editor’s Note: Damn Straight! And the teacher in Eric shines through).
Overall impressions of this category: It would be hard to argue who wins this category, so long as you are arguing between me and Derrick. We essentially have the same powers after the first two picks, and only deviated on the third. I suppose you have to consider which would be a greater power – strength or telepathy. You also need to consider the purpose for acquiring these powers. Are we going to have a fight to the death? Will we be in charge of saving humanity? Will we be teaming up or fighting solo? Whatever the answers may be, this was definitely one of the better categories of this draft.
Editor’s Thoughts and Impressions: First off, I would be remiss if I did not thank Eric for filling in for me on this category. After getting pretty hit pretty hard in this review, I think its safe to say that this is the one category that I could not write even semi- intelligently on. Besides Superman’s powers, and a random power from an X-Man I know pretty much nothing. Had someone taken any of the powers I selected, I would’ve been up the proverbial creek without a paddle. Besides, taking a couple of weeks off of writing has recharged my batteries and I’m ready to resume my duties. So again, thanks to Eric for a well written, funny, and at times, scathing write up. It was nice reading someone else’s impressions for a change. I enjoyed it immensely.
Before I get to the category, let me just address the picture up there. Hopefully I didn't blasphemy the category by posting it, but I thought it would be interesting to point out that when I searched for Superman in Google images, that was the first picture that came up. Anyways, as for the category itself, I agree that without setting up parameters for this category (or even the draft as a whole) makes it difficult to determine who “won” this category, though its definitely not me. That being said, I kind of like not having set parameters, just as those blessed with powers must make a choice as to how to best utilize them, we kind of get the same choice in picking our powers for specific reasons.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Category 18: Television Shows
| Eric | Khurram | Richard | Derrick |
| The Office | Monk | The West Wing | Seinfeld |
| Arrested Development | Family Guy | Sports Night | House, M.D. |
| Ninja Warrior | The NFL on Fox | Rob & Big | American Gladiators (Modern) |
Round 1: Since we all know I like to use lists, I planned on writing a list of my favorite things about The Office, but I ran into some issues that were larger than expected. First, I love the show, so any list would be really long. I mean, it’d be quite impressive, but how many people really want to deal with something of that size? Additionally, in making a list for something this important, I’d want it to be perfect, so accomplishing something like that may be excessively hard. For sure, I’d have to hammer away at it the whole night. And to do a good job I’d likely work up quite a bit of sweat. But I’m sure when the sun arose the next morning; it will have been a great experience and well worth it. I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m sure I’d be left satisfied. As a viewer, I can safely say that the show aims to please and can always bring a smile to my face. I wasn’t entirely sold after I watched the first episode of season 1, but the show came so highly recommended that I couldn’t just blow it off. Thankfully I didn’t, because Season 2 found a perfect blend of comedy and drama and it really is when the show let it all hang out. With respect to the comedy, aside from the classic Jim/Dwight pranks, much of the comedic value lies in Michael Scott being oblivious as to his own unbelievable “shortcomings”. On the dramatic side, we of course have Jim and Pam whose relationship in season 2 was headed for what I hoped would be a fantastic climax. But, when it finally came, I was left wanting more. I’d talk about seasons 3 and 4, but I’m pretty much spent. So, if you haven’t gotten it by now, perhaps its time for me to bring in two other fans of the office, Eric and Derrick, for some tag team action. Because, you know what they say, two heads are better than one. Or, maybe you’ve tried it out, and something about the show just rubs you the wrong way. If so, then I’ll just leave it alone, because I know I sure as hell wouldn’t want someone else’s tastes shoved down my throat. But either way, I think I got my point across pretty effectively, and I’m glad we put this matter to bed.
Monk is one of those shows that sneaks up on you. Maybe you flip to
My first round selection was The West Wing. The show won an Emmy for Best Drama the first four years it was on TV (not coincidentally, Aaron Sorkin left the show after year 4 and the run abruptly stopped). There was nothing like The West Wing when it first came out, with its classic “walk and talk” scenes that have been both mocked and mimicked since its inception. Nevertheless, I cannot think of a better written show in my history of television. The show was appointment viewing for me during the Aaron Sorkin years and I have yet to find a show that captures my attention like The West Wing once did.
Derrick took the ultimate show about nothing. With the last pick in the first round, this might be the ultimate value pick considering the heights the show reached in the mid 1990’s. It’s success was a testament to the cast’s chemistry and the “creativity” of Jerry Seinfeld and the other writers as no one from that show went on to enjoy even a fraction of the success that Seinfeld did. But even 10 years after the show went off the air, its influence on American culture remains. Oh, and you can probably watch 4 episodes of it per day on various channels.
Round 2: On the wrap around, Derrick took House, MD. I remember Fox showing promos for this show during the World Series and thinking this was just going to be another ER knock off. 5 years later, I own the first four seasons on DVD, and I am hooked. Medical miracles, scathing sarcasm, drug addiction, and heart-felt cold heartedness…who could ask for anything more?
A Few Good Men, The West Wing, and now Sports Night, Sorkin projects all. I am currently re-watching Sports Night on my special 10th anniversary collection discs and I have to say that its better than I remembered it. Don’t get me wrong, with this being Sorkin’s first foray into television, and ABC forcing the show to have a laugh track for the first 8 episodes, Sports Night didn’t exactly get off to the strongest of starts. But once it got rolling, you can’t help but get sucked in. I think what ultimately doomed the show though (despite a few awards and critical acclaim, it was cancelled after only two seasons) was the fact that there was a misconception that it was solely a sports show, when in fact it was so much more than that. Sports Night simply used the backdrop of a “
Literally rising from the ashes of cancellation, Family Guy has emerged as a top flight show and though Eric may kill me for saying this, seems to possess some of the spark that The Simpsons used to exhibit on a regular basis. Since I am not a regular viewer of either of these shows anymore, I could be completely off base, but that’s just what I thought when I watched both recently. Nevertheless, I have seen enough off this show to know that Khurram got first round value in the second round.
From one Fox show that got a new lease on life, to another that deserved one, Eric took Arrested Development with his second round choice. Not only is the show set in the good (i.e. white) part of
Round 3: Eric starts off the last round with Ninja Warrior. Look, I’m extremely proud of my Japanese heritage, if for no other reason than stuff like this comes out of that country. For your amusement:
Near Misses
I love football, I don’t think there is any doubt about that. I could do without all of Fox’s yelling and screaming on their football show, and Tory Aikman’s homerism but the NFL, is the NFL and I even use Fox’s NFL theme as my ringtone.
For my last choice I had a tough decision to make. I am very fond of Firefly and Friday Night Lights (1st season only), and could’ve gone with either one of those and been happy. However, I just couldn’t pass up an opportunity to take Rob and Big. The very first episode I saw was the infamous manpon one. I couldn’t believe they would show that on tv. Then I saw the one where they go to
Derrick closes out the round and category with American Gladiators. I don’t get his love for the show. Maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up on the original version. When I do watch this show, I watch it for the unintentional comedy, which is through the roof. Hulk Hogan as your host. Hellga, the woman Gladiator who gets her ass kicked at everything. Contestants face planting into walls. Other people, who have to know they have no shot, getting tossed like dolls as they try to climb a pyramid type mountain against Gladiators….wait a second, I DO see why Derrick likes this show so much. I stand corrected.
Overall analysis: The Office is my favorite show from this list, and Eric was wise to grab it first, because I would have surely taken it if it was available. Also, if you didn’t understand my write up on that show, just add the phrase “That’s what she said” (Michael Scott’s catch phrase) to the end of nearly every sentence, and it should make more sense. Family Guy was great value where Khurram got it, and so was Seinfeld for Derrick. For sheer quality, I’d put The West Wing up against any show out there. I have to say though, I’m really surprised no one went with the Sopranos.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Category 17: Athletes
| Eric | Richard | Khurram | Derrick |
| Rocky | Terry Tate, Office Linebacker | Kevin Johnson | Michael Jordan |
| Anna Kournikova | Charles Barkley | Troy Aikman | Walter Payton |
| Jenny Finch | Danica Patrick | Barry Sanders | Shane Falco |
Round 1: Eric starts off us with Rocky. My fondness for Rocky is well known, and what can I say about Rocky that hasn’t already been said in 5 films (remember, Rocky V NEVER HAPPENED)? The man has a heart of a champion. He could eat lightning and crap thunder. And he always knew that it wasn’t about how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. He bested Apollo Creed, Clubber Lang (who was Mike Tyson before Mike Tyson was Mike Tyson), and Ivan Drago, the latter of which ended the Cold War (2 minutes in). Rocky also gave us the Eye of the Tiger, the world’s only 15-speed car, and manly beach frolics in shorts that ride way too high (around the 2:30 mark, and definitely at the 3 minute mark of that clip). Oh, and let’s not forget the fact that he practically became a caricature of himself by the end, but it’s all good. Some might feel Rocky is a little overrated, and I can’t really blame them. I used to think that a long time ago. But after watching his feats in the first 4 films and then battling it out with Mason “The Line”
I followed up the greatest American athletic hero, with the greatest athletic hero period. Number 56 on the field and number 1 in your hearts, curing office malaise around the world, Terrible Terry Tate. This was a no-brainer of a pick. Known for his bone crunching hits and Seussian rhyming ability (“You can’t cut the cheese wherever you please!”), the Pain Train is not to be trifled with. But before you go and think this physical specimen is one dimensional, let’s not forget Terry Tate grew up with ambitions of being a world class mime. Thankfully, Tate took the right path when he reached his “fork of destiny” and made people enter Terry’s pantomime box of pain, from which there was no escape. After that, the rest is pretty much history. Triple T delighted his co-workers with his sunny demeanor, yet kept them on their toes with his uncanny ability to read and react. That, coupled with his ability to be an outstanding mentor, and contribute off the field (knowing exactly when enterprise falls into loss), led OSPN to make him their office athlete of the century. I picked him for all of those reasons, but most importantly, I picked Triple T because he always knows what time it is. After all, when its game time, its pain time! Bitch!
Khurram picks Kevin Johnson next. He was an outstanding basketball player, and is running or has already run to be the mayor of
Derrick was up last in this round. Cue up the Chicago Bulls theme that he selected earlier. Let it flow into your veins. AND FROM
Round 2: Derrick sticks with
Khurram selected another football icon with this pick. Troy Aikman was hated by many football fans simply because he played for the Dallas Cowboys. That’s okay with me. But, even the haters out there cannot deny how good he was. Sure there will be some who say that he was a product of the talent that surrounded him, but his accuracy is pretty much unparalleled in NFL history. He also managed to get along equally well with both Michael Irvine and Jay Novacek and has been described by many teammates as a true leader. I’m reading a book on the Cowboys dynasty of the 1990’s and the stuff that happened during that time period was crazy. Yet he managed to lead that team of talented miscreants and felons to a number of Super Bowl titles. Oh, and he had to publicly deny the rumor that he was gay. You can’t ask for more than that out of your quarterback.
My second round pick was none other than Charles Barkley. Why did I choose Barkley? Let me count the ways (lists are the sign of a lazy writer, but since I am one, I guess that’s okay):
- Barkley vs. Godzilla.
- His team once lost a bad game, and he subsequently told reporters, “That’s the kind of game that makes you want to go home and beat your wife”.
- He barely beat a 67 year old ref in a foot race. (I love how he doesn't stretch at the start)
- While in a fight with Shaq he threw a ball off of Shaq’s head (dammit, this video has been removed from youtube).
- When he was annoyed with a guy at a bar, he threw that guy through a plate glass window out onto the street.
- His nickname is "Round mound of rebound" and he once tried to hold his breath for 9 minutes- he failed.
- Called Kobe Bryant selfish.
- While on the postgame show on TNT, as the show was wrapping up, the host told viewers to stay tuned as TNT was showing a movie next. Barkley told viewers that the movie sucked and they should change the channel.
- Called himself a dumbass on national television
- Said he wanted to run over referee Mike Mathis with his car, put it in reverse and drive back over him
Plus, Barkley just seems like one of those athletes that you could sit around and have (many) beers with while watching a game or talking sports and he’d be completely cool, while making you laugh your ass off. The stories of him holding court in some bar where he is buying every patron there drinks are legendary. Oh, and he plays $25,000 hands of blackjack.
Eric closes out round 2 with Anna Kournikova. She never won a singles match in her life. She is more known for who she is dating than anything she has accomplished athletically. But that’s all quickly forgotten, when you see a picture like this.
Round 3: Eric goes with double hotties to start off round 3. However, unlike Kournikova, Jennie Finch is an accomplished athlete. She is widely regarded as one of the best pitchers in women softball history and has a couple of gold medals to her name. Real athletic accomplishments for a woman who looks good. I like it.
I too went the woman route with my pick of Danica Patrick. Before this year, she was on the Kournikova track of athletes as she was known more for her looks, she appeared in Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue, than her skills. But, she finally has a win under her belt and been involved in a couple of highly publicized fights with both men and women at the track. She looks good and drives hard. Good times!
Khurram went with Barry Sanders to close out his choices in this category, and I have to say, I was really hoping he would choose Emmitt Smith, so I could use words like “debacled”. However, Khurram went with the most elusive running back of all time. Barry Sanders could gain 2 yards on a play, but they were the most exciting two yards you would ever see. He was well on his way to the top of the all time rushing list, but retired early. Some say he was smart, that he walked away at the top of his game while he still had his health. I say he was prescient as Matt Millen took over the Detroit Lions and fans eventually staged a walk out during the middle of the game. Who the hell would want to play for that team? Anyways, you watch this video (sorry for quality, best I could get with NFL police confiscating all NFL video), and you can’t help but wonder what might have been had he played longer and for a better team.
Finally, Derrick ends the round and the category with Shane “Footsteps” Falco. If you thought it was impressive what Troy Aikman was able to do with those ‘90’s Cowboys, just watch The Replacements and you’ll be blown away by Falco’s leadership ability. He had a 7-11 clerk and a deaf guy as receivers, a Sumo wrestler blocking for him, a preacher for a running back, and eventually an ex-con who filled in for him. Falco was courageous on the field, but he might have had even better game off it as he hooked up with the head cheerleader. So long as quicksand wasn’t around, Falco was unbeatable. Oh, a little known fact about that movie…Keanu Reeves almost got a tryout from the Ravens, because he was training in their facility and he looked really impressive throwing the ball around to receivers.
Overall Impressions: Everyone will have their own opinions I’m sure, but I really do love my picks. I love