Category 18: Television Shows

Eric	Khurram	Richard	Derrick
The Office	Monk	The West Wing	Seinfeld
Arrested Development	Family Guy	Sports Night	House, M.D.
Ninja Warrior	The NFL on Fox	Rob & Big	American Gladiators (Modern)

Round 1: Since we all know I like to use lists, I planned on writing a list of my favorite things about The Office, but I ran into some issues that were larger than expected. First, I love the show, so any list would be really long. I mean, it’d be quite impressive, but how many people really want to deal with something of that size? Additionally, in making a list for something this important, I’d want it to be perfect, so accomplishing something like that may be excessively hard. For sure, I’d have to hammer away at it the whole night. And to do a good job I’d likely work up quite a bit of sweat. But I’m sure when the sun arose the next morning; it will have been a great experience and well worth it. I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m sure I’d be left satisfied. As a viewer, I can safely say that the show aims to please and can always bring a smile to my face. I wasn’t entirely sold after I watched the first episode of season 1, but the show came so highly recommended that I couldn’t just blow it off. Thankfully I didn’t, because Season 2 found a perfect blend of comedy and drama and it really is when the show let it all hang out. With respect to the comedy, aside from the classic Jim/Dwight pranks, much of the comedic value lies in Michael Scott being oblivious as to his own unbelievable “shortcomings”. On the dramatic side, we of course have Jim and Pam whose relationship in season 2 was headed for what I hoped would be a fantastic climax. But, when it finally came, I was left wanting more. I’d talk about seasons 3 and 4, but I’m pretty much spent. So, if you haven’t gotten it by now, perhaps its time for me to bring in two other fans of the office, Eric and Derrick, for some tag team action. Because, you know what they say, two heads are better than one. Or, maybe you’ve tried it out, and something about the show just rubs you the wrong way. If so, then I’ll just leave it alone, because I know I sure as hell wouldn’t want someone else’s tastes shoved down my throat. But either way, I think I got my point across pretty effectively, and I’m glad we put this matter to bed.

Monk is one of those shows that sneaks up on you. Maybe you flip to USA on a commercial break from whatever other show you are watching, and then the next thing you know, you’ve watched the entire episode and can’t even remember what you were watching before. I don’t know that I’d call this show a first round pick, but considering Khurram got Family Guy on the way back, I can’t really complain.

My first round selection was The West Wing. The show won an Emmy for Best Drama the first four years it was on TV (not coincidentally, Aaron Sorkin left the show after year 4 and the run abruptly stopped). There was nothing like The West Wing when it first came out, with its classic “walk and talk” scenes that have been both mocked and mimicked since its inception. Nevertheless, I cannot think of a better written show in my history of television. The show was appointment viewing for me during the Aaron Sorkin years and I have yet to find a show that captures my attention like The West Wing once did.

Derrick took the ultimate show about nothing. With the last pick in the first round, this might be the ultimate value pick considering the heights the show reached in the mid 1990’s. It’s success was a testament to the cast’s chemistry and the “creativity” of Jerry Seinfeld and the other writers as no one from that show went on to enjoy even a fraction of the success that Seinfeld did. But even 10 years after the show went off the air, its influence on American culture remains. Oh, and you can probably watch 4 episodes of it per day on various channels.

Round 2: On the wrap around, Derrick took House, MD. I remember Fox showing promos for this show during the World Series and thinking this was just going to be another ER knock off. 5 years later, I own the first four seasons on DVD, and I am hooked. Medical miracles, scathing sarcasm, drug addiction, and heart-felt cold heartedness…who could ask for anything more?

A Few Good Men, The West Wing, and now Sports Night, Sorkin projects all. I am currently re-watching Sports Night on my special 10^th anniversary collection discs and I have to say that its better than I remembered it. Don’t get me wrong, with this being Sorkin’s first foray into television, and ABC forcing the show to have a laugh track for the first 8 episodes, Sports Night didn’t exactly get off to the strongest of starts. But once it got rolling, you can’t help but get sucked in. I think what ultimately doomed the show though (despite a few awards and critical acclaim, it was cancelled after only two seasons) was the fact that there was a misconception that it was solely a sports show, when in fact it was so much more than that. Sports Night simply used the backdrop of a “Sports Center” type show, to tell stories that expanded far beyond sports. I think for me though, the reason I love this show so much is that it originally aired when I was just beginning to fully develop and grasp my affection for all things sports related, and the show, in many ways, gave a voice to what I felt.

Literally rising from the ashes of cancellation, Family Guy has emerged as a top flight show and though Eric may kill me for saying this, seems to possess some of the spark that The Simpsons used to exhibit on a regular basis. Since I am not a regular viewer of either of these shows anymore, I could be completely off base, but that’s just what I thought when I watched both recently. Nevertheless, I have seen enough off this show to know that Khurram got first round value in the second round.

From one Fox show that got a new lease on life, to another that deserved one, Eric took Arrested Development with his second round choice. Not only is the show set in the good (i.e. white) part of Orange County, it does a legitimate and hilarious job of satirizing some of the so-called O.C. lifestyles as well as “real world” occurrences. What type of real world occurrences you ask? How about model homes of the Bluth family being built in Iraq, which is an act of Treason. Oh, and having their version of “Girls Gone Wild”, entitled, “Girls with Low Self-Esteem”. Or more importantly, the parody of the over the top broomstick/light saber video (See CG enhanced version here). Other moments that will always stick with me: Gob Bluth and his Segway, the chicken dance (which Fox removed from youtube or I’d link to it), the use of “Final Countdown” for Gob’s magic tricks, Anyong, Kitty’s lopsided boob job, and Michael and his niece singing the karaoke version of Afternoon Delight.

Round 3: Eric starts off the last round with Ninja Warrior. Look, I’m extremely proud of my Japanese heritage, if for no other reason than stuff like this comes out of that country. For your amusement:

So close

10 crazy obstacles

Near Misses

I love football, I don’t think there is any doubt about that. I could do without all of Fox’s yelling and screaming on their football show, and Tory Aikman’s homerism but the NFL, is the NFL and I even use Fox’s NFL theme as my ringtone.

For my last choice I had a tough decision to make. I am very fond of Firefly and Friday Night Lights (1^st season only), and could’ve gone with either one of those and been happy. However, I just couldn’t pass up an opportunity to take Rob and Big. The very first episode I saw was the infamous manpon one. I couldn’t believe they would show that on tv. Then I saw the one where they go to Ohio and visit an amusement park. I was sold after that. But my favorite moment of the show is when Big is trying to lose weight, yet brings home a couple of burgers from Carl’s Jr. fries, and chicken fingers. After Rob gets pissed and throws everything out. Big goes to the garbage can and takes a burger out of the trash can and tries to eat it before Rob catches him. His excuse? “Man, that’s a double western. You can’t throw out a double western, son”. I’ve had them. Its true. Of course, you can’t really finish one either. Finally, since I’ve started watching the show, the all-encompassing phrase “Do Work” has become a part of my every day vocabulary. If I gotta play some ball, its time to do work. If I’m going to eat a big meal? I’ve gotta do work. After that big meal, it might be time to do work in the bathroom. Any time I have a task ahead of me, big or small, its always time to do work.

Derrick closes out the round and category with American Gladiators. I don’t get his love for the show. Maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up on the original version. When I do watch this show, I watch it for the unintentional comedy, which is through the roof. Hulk Hogan as your host. Hellga, the woman Gladiator who gets her ass kicked at everything. Contestants face planting into walls. Other people, who have to know they have no shot, getting tossed like dolls as they try to climb a pyramid type mountain against Gladiators….wait a second, I DO see why Derrick likes this show so much. I stand corrected.

Overall analysis: The Office is my favorite show from this list, and Eric was wise to grab it first, because I would have surely taken it if it was available. Also, if you didn’t understand my write up on that show, just add the phrase “That’s what she said” (Michael Scott’s catch phrase) to the end of nearly every sentence, and it should make more sense. Family Guy was great value where Khurram got it, and so was Seinfeld for Derrick. For sheer quality, I’d put The West Wing up against any show out there. I have to say though, I’m really surprised no one went with the Sopranos.

Category 17: Athletes

Eric	Richard	Khurram	Derrick
Rocky	Terry Tate, Office Linebacker	Kevin Johnson	Michael Jordan
Anna Kournikova	Charles Barkley	Troy Aikman	Walter Payton
Jenny Finch	Danica Patrick	Barry Sanders	Shane Falco

Round 1: Eric starts off us with Rocky. My fondness for Rocky is well known, and what can I say about Rocky that hasn’t already been said in 5 films (remember, Rocky V NEVER HAPPENED)? The man has a heart of a champion. He could eat lightning and crap thunder. And he always knew that it wasn’t about how hard you hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. He bested Apollo Creed, Clubber Lang (who was Mike Tyson before Mike Tyson was Mike Tyson), and Ivan Drago, the latter of which ended the Cold War (2 minutes in). Rocky also gave us the Eye of the Tiger, the world’s only 15-speed car, and manly beach frolics in shorts that ride way too high (around the 2:30 mark, and definitely at the 3 minute mark of that clip). Oh, and let’s not forget the fact that he practically became a caricature of himself by the end, but it’s all good. Some might feel Rocky is a little overrated, and I can’t really blame them. I used to think that a long time ago. But after watching his feats in the first 4 films and then battling it out with Mason “The Line” Dixon at the age of 60, I now think he is probably underrated in American culture. I’ve come to admire Rocky, and I urge you haters out there to reconsider your position as well. Because, if I can change, and you can change…

I followed up the greatest American athletic hero, with the greatest athletic hero period. Number 56 on the field and number 1 in your hearts, curing office malaise around the world, Terrible Terry Tate. This was a no-brainer of a pick. Known for his bone crunching hits and Seussian rhyming ability (“You can’t cut the cheese wherever you please!”), the Pain Train is not to be trifled with. But before you go and think this physical specimen is one dimensional, let’s not forget Terry Tate grew up with ambitions of being a world class mime. Thankfully, Tate took the right path when he reached his “fork of destiny” and made people enter Terry’s pantomime box of pain, from which there was no escape. After that, the rest is pretty much history. Triple T delighted his co-workers with his sunny demeanor, yet kept them on their toes with his uncanny ability to read and react. That, coupled with his ability to be an outstanding mentor, and contribute off the field (knowing exactly when enterprise falls into loss), led OSPN to make him their office athlete of the century. I picked him for all of those reasons, but most importantly, I picked Triple T because he always knows what time it is. After all, when its game time, its pain time! Bitch!

Khurram picks Kevin Johnson next. He was an outstanding basketball player, and is running or has already run to be the mayor of Sacramento. Aside from that, I really don’t have a whole lot to add, except for this dunk over Hakeem Olajuwon.

Derrick was up last in this round. Cue up the Chicago Bulls theme that he selected earlier. Let it flow into your veins. AND FROM NORTH CAROLINA AT GUARD 6’6….MICHAEL JORDAN!! Of course, during the introductions of his first game back after his first retirement, if you sat in the building, all you heard was, “from North Carolina”, before the rest was drowned out by cheers. Outside of Ali, Jordan might just be the most beloved athlete of all time. He is still culturally relevant despite being out of the game for so long. There is no such thing as hyperbole when describing Jordan’s talents and accomplishments (though I am being hyperbolic at the moment). Six rings, countless clutch shots, the first shooting guard to ever lead his team to a championship, dunks that defied gravity and tantalized the imagination and Space Jam. Simply put, the Greatest of All Time.

Round 2: Derrick sticks with Chicago icons in round 2 and goes with Walter Payton. So great was this running back’s hold on Chicago, that I’ve heard of many a Bears fan who has either a son or daughter named Payton. His grace, fluidity and power while running the ball will always be remembered. The fact that The Refrigerator scored what should have been Payton’s touchdown in the Super Bowl is a disgrace. But it’s not a tragedy, as some people have argued. What is a tragedy though, is the fact that he is no longer with us. They called him Sweetness. Nothing more need be said.

Khurram selected another football icon with this pick. Troy Aikman was hated by many football fans simply because he played for the Dallas Cowboys. That’s okay with me. But, even the haters out there cannot deny how good he was. Sure there will be some who say that he was a product of the talent that surrounded him, but his accuracy is pretty much unparalleled in NFL history. He also managed to get along equally well with both Michael Irvine and Jay Novacek and has been described by many teammates as a true leader. I’m reading a book on the Cowboys dynasty of the 1990’s and the stuff that happened during that time period was crazy. Yet he managed to lead that team of talented miscreants and felons to a number of Super Bowl titles. Oh, and he had to publicly deny the rumor that he was gay. You can’t ask for more than that out of your quarterback.

My second round pick was none other than Charles Barkley. Why did I choose Barkley? Let me count the ways (lists are the sign of a lazy writer, but since I am one, I guess that’s okay):

1. Barkley vs. Godzilla.
2. His team once lost a bad game, and he subsequently told reporters, “That’s the kind of game that makes you want to go home and beat your wife”.
3. He barely beat a 67 year old ref in a foot race. (I love how he doesn't stretch at the start)
   
4. While in a fight with Shaq he threw a ball off of Shaq’s head (dammit, this video has been removed from youtube).
5. When he was annoyed with a guy at a bar, he threw that guy through a plate glass window out onto the street.
6. His nickname is "Round mound of rebound" and he once tried to hold his breath for 9 minutes- he failed.
7. Called Kobe Bryant selfish.
8. While on the postgame show on TNT, as the show was wrapping up, the host told viewers to stay tuned as TNT was showing a movie next. Barkley told viewers that the movie sucked and they should change the channel.
9. Called himself a dumbass on national television
10. Said he wanted to run over referee Mike Mathis with his car, put it in reverse and drive back over him
    

Plus, Barkley just seems like one of those athletes that you could sit around and have (many) beers with while watching a game or talking sports and he’d be completely cool, while making you laugh your ass off. The stories of him holding court in some bar where he is buying every patron there drinks are legendary. Oh, and he plays $25,000 hands of blackjack.

Eric closes out round 2 with Anna Kournikova. She never won a singles match in her life. She is more known for who she is dating than anything she has accomplished athletically. But that’s all quickly forgotten, when you see a picture like this.

Round 3: Eric goes with double hotties to start off round 3. However, unlike Kournikova, Jennie Finch is an accomplished athlete. She is widely regarded as one of the best pitchers in women softball history and has a couple of gold medals to her name. Real athletic accomplishments for a woman who looks good. I like it.

I too went the woman route with my pick of Danica Patrick. Before this year, she was on the Kournikova track of athletes as she was known more for her looks, she appeared in Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue, than her skills. But, she finally has a win under her belt and been involved in a couple of highly publicized fights with both men and women at the track. She looks good and drives hard. Good times!

Khurram went with Barry Sanders to close out his choices in this category, and I have to say, I was really hoping he would choose Emmitt Smith, so I could use words like “debacled”. However, Khurram went with the most elusive running back of all time. Barry Sanders could gain 2 yards on a play, but they were the most exciting two yards you would ever see. He was well on his way to the top of the all time rushing list, but retired early. Some say he was smart, that he walked away at the top of his game while he still had his health. I say he was prescient as Matt Millen took over the Detroit Lions and fans eventually staged a walk out during the middle of the game. Who the hell would want to play for that team? Anyways, you watch this video (sorry for quality, best I could get with NFL police confiscating all NFL video), and you can’t help but wonder what might have been had he played longer and for a better team.

Finally, Derrick ends the round and the category with Shane “Footsteps” Falco. If you thought it was impressive what Troy Aikman was able to do with those ‘90’s Cowboys, just watch The Replacements and you’ll be blown away by Falco’s leadership ability. He had a 7-11 clerk and a deaf guy as receivers, a Sumo wrestler blocking for him, a preacher for a running back, and eventually an ex-con who filled in for him. Falco was courageous on the field, but he might have had even better game off it as he hooked up with the head cheerleader. So long as quicksand wasn’t around, Falco was unbeatable. Oh, a little known fact about that movie…Keanu Reeves almost got a tryout from the Ravens, because he was training in their facility and he looked really impressive throwing the ball around to receivers.

Overall Impressions: Everyone will have their own opinions I’m sure, but I really do love my picks. I love Jordan, but Terry Tate slightly beats out MJ and Rocky for me, and Charles Barkley blows away anyone else in round 2. I like what Eric did in drafting hot women since he has no real affinity towards athletes anyways. I also really can’t complain about Khurram or Derrick’s picks either. I thought Kevin Johnson was a reach, but I know of Khurram’s fondness of him. Jordan was a surefire number 1 pick, Payton is Payton and Falco, well he’ll always “survive”.

Category 16: Vacation Spot

Derrick	Khurram	Richard	Eric
Southern California	The Caribbean	Vegas	Savannah, Georgia

Analysis and Impressions: Derrick started the round off with the selection of Southern California. This was a wise choice, as it was a way to get in multiple cities at once. Los Angeles, San Diego, and all of the goodness in between constitute Southern California. One could argue that it contains all of the elements of everyone else’s selection. The Sun and sand of The Caribbean? It’s a cloudless 75 degrees here almost year around, and the beaches, especially the view, can be spectacular. The Casinos of Vegas? Yep. There is even an Indian Casino here that is bigger than any one Vegas casino. The Rednecks of Savannah, Georgia? Okay, so maybe we don’t have those over here. Two out of three is not bad.

Khurram followed up with The Caribbean. Caribbean cruises are a big money maker for a reason. People love to head down there and enjoy the sun, the ocean, the seafood and, I’m pretty sure, a fair amount of marijuana. However, seeing as how I don’t like the vast nothingness that is the ocean, seafood makes me gag, and having had to deal with police related to a marijuana incident despite having never smoking it, I think I’d pass on a trip to the Caribbean. Objectively though, I do understand its appeal.

What can I say about Vegas? It is, without a doubt my favorite place to visit. I’ve been there 7 or 8 times and I’m always just as excited to go each time. The sounds, the lights, the free liquor, the food (buffets and gourmet restaurants) the 24 hour a day pace, and let’s not forget the gambling, I mean what could you not like about that place? At least on a three or four day trip. If you stay any longer, the list of negatives about matches the positives. The buzz from the alcohol turns into a raging headache. The adrenaline that allows you to stay up until 4 AM playing blackjack is replaced by nausea and burning eyes from lack of sleep. All of that buffet food sits in your stomach, rotting away. And let’s not forget the 5 packs of cigarette you’ve inhaled second hand. Someone once told me that if you stay long enough in Vegas, your body starts to act like a human filter for all of the contraband in Vegas, whether you choose to allow it to or not. Oh, and let’s not forget that if you are unlucky, you have a 4 hour drive home and no money in your pockets. That being said though, every time someone asks me to go to Vegas, I get that tingling sensation in my fingertips, butterflies in my stomach, a little bit of light headedness, and a gigantic grin on my face. It’s not lust. It’s not love. It’s Las Vegas, baby. Vegas.

Finally, we turn to Eric’s pick of Savannah, Georgia. I cannot really comment on this pick a whole lot. I’ve never really been to Georgia, unless you count about 20 different layovers in Atlanta. As I told Derrick on the phone the other day, Georgia strikes me as the type of place where they tie people who look like me to the backs of pick up trucks and drag them around the streets. In all seriousness though, I know its where Eric went for his honeymoon, so I cannot really argue with the pick.

Category 15: Music/Song-Theme Song of Your Life

Eric	Richard	Khurram	Derrick
Indiana Jones Theme	Eye of the Tiger	Pakistani (Englishman in New York)	Sirius (Chicago Bulls’ Theme)

Overall Impressions: Everyone knows the Indiana Jones theme, Eye of the Tiger (ultimate power song) and Englishman in New York (though Khurram is claiming some fictional alternate version, here). The Chicago Bulls theme is what plays during the starting lineups and can be found here. Considering this is the ringtone on my phone for when Derrick calls, I certainly agree with his choice. And the beginning still gives me chills from all of those years watching Jordan and Pippen being introduced. Since this is a one round category and we are now providing our own votes, I won’t add much more to that. Listen to the songs and vote.

I’ll just leave you with these inspirational lyrics:

Risin' up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive

So many times, it happens too fast
You change your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive

Chorus:
It's the eye of the tiger, it's the cream of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And he's watchin' us all in the eye of the tiger

Face to face, out in the heat
Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry
They stack the odds 'til we take to the street
For we kill with the skill to survive

chorus

Risin' up, straight to the top
Have the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive

Category 14: Music/Artist

Derrick	Khurram	Richard	Eric
Pussycat Dolls	Sting and the Police	The Beatles	Elvis
Nirvana	Tupac	Explosions in the Sky	Jimmy Eat World

Round 1: With the initial pick in this category, Derrick selected burlesque group turned pop sensations the Pussycat Dolls. I would say that this is a good use of strategy, in getting two purposes for the price of one. However, one must wonder if anyone pays attention to, or is all that fond of, the Pussycat Dolls’ music. Still, take a look at that picture. I think I’d be willing to put up with them singing just about anything. Khurram followed up with what is an underrated pick, in Sting and the Police. Sting has the ability to cross genres. And judging from his appearances with the likes of both the Rascal Flatts and Sean “whatever he calls himself now” Combs, Sting has seemingly performed with a star from genre. Good music and an odd Jaguar car commercial make Sting a satisfactory choice. I followed up with The Beatles. I know, I know, it seems like a clichéd pick. But that’s alright, because I am a genuine fan of The Beatles. Can the same be said for Eric? I’m not sure, but its hard to argue with an American icon like Elvis.

Round 2: Eric follows up Elvis with Jimmy Eat World. This “emocore” group (that would be “emotional hardcore” for those of you not in the know), first found success with their self-titled album, released in 2001. Who can ever forget this video where everyone is at a house party in their underwear.

With the second pick in this round I took Explosions in the Sky. I know most of you have never even heard of this band, but they are amazing. A post-rock/instrumental rock group from Texas, they first entered the public eye by providing the soundtrack for Friday Night Lights. Because their music features no vocals and is primarily made up of three guitars and drums, it can be featured in almost any situation and make that event seem EPIC. You could play this song as you take your dog for a walk (I’ve done this) and it made it feel like Kuma was out on an expedition or hunting for his survival. You play this in your car as you drive anywhere and it gives you a sense of purpose. Play it while you run and you feel like its Chariots of Fire all over again. Set your lineup for your fantasy team and play this song. You’ll feel like you hold each player’s fate in your hands. It even works for more mundane situations: doing the dishes? Check. Cleaning the house? Check. Studying? Absolutely. Though this song is not a “pump you up” song like the Rocky theme or Eye of the Tiger, almost everything Explosions in the Sky rights gives you a sense of purpose.

Khurram got a bona fide first round pick in the second round. More than just a rapper, Tupac was a lyricist in the truest sense of the word. Though he was perhaps the figure head of the whole east coast-west coast battle, and a prime example of the (perceived?) repercussions of gangster rap, he is still beloved by many even so many years after his death. Speaking of his death, there have been so many reported Tupac sightings and rumors his namesake is on its way to becoming the next “Elvis” type persona. And let's not forget that one of his biggest hits "Changes" became popular after he had already been killed.

Derrick closed this round out with another can’t miss pick, Nirvana. Perhaps the Tupac of grunge, Nirvana may always be known more for the death of Kurt Cobain than their music itself. One has to wonder what would have happened if he didn’t die. Would they have stayed as great they were? Or are they remembered as being better simply because of their tragedy? Either way, there is no denying the ever lasting effects that Nirvana has had on the music industry. Hell, I even heard about some fairly big names in hip-hop, and some big time athletes saying that Smells Like Teen Spirit was one of the best songs they ever heard. Derrick gets true musical genius to go along with his musically inept first round pick.

Overall Impressions: No real complaints. True, Jimmy Eat World and Explosions in the Sky were not likely to get drafted, but as second round picks, I cannot knock them. One group I almost went with for a number of reasons was Hootie and the Blowfish. First, I would have liked to have seen the reaction in the van. Second, I was actually a fan of their Cracked Rear View album. Third, Darius Rucker (commonly, mistakenly, referred to as Hootie) comes on a sports talk radio show I listen to a lot and talks about how ridiculous it was that that many people liked them. And finally, for their most popular song ever, they made a music video featuring the anchors from Sportscenter. Dare I say, "En Fuego". Oh, and despite what people think, the line “The Dolphins make me cry” in that song does not refer to real dolphins. It refers to the NFL team. Any song that discusses an NFL team bringing a fan to tears, I can get behind.